guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
