Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize