guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
