the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
