i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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