He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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