I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize