I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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