no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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