I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
