But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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