This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
