I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
