BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
