seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
