I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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