Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's a Shit stain on my heart
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
