My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
