My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Randomize
