Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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