I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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