also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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