told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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