I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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