Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
