so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
