I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
