He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
