I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
