i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
