I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
