guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
