one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize