Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
