the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
