im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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