I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
