So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
