I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
