My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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