His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
All the doctor said was why
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
