woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
