Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize