garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
