with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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