Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
