You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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