He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
