i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
