i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize