he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
