worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
