All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
