Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
