last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
