You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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