I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
