I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
