recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
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