fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
