I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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