I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
