come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
