i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
