She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
