He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
