I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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