it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
